Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you

Today I would like to make the most foolish thing I've ever done for the recent time. As I beleive, however, that a true woman performs true dumb things, I can do it, for sure. Yes, please, don't laugh, I want to argue about love. Although, "to argue about" is too strong word. The notion "refelections" can be barely applied to such irrational feeling as love (now the people who think that love is a set of biochemical reactions in a human brain will throw tomatoes at me), more likely you will encounter the flow of what I thought and what I am thinking, what I percieved and percieving, what I felt and feeling. To be more precise and more honest at the same time I just want to leave all my cried-out not-cried-out tears here in order never to recollect them again.

There is a strange feeling that does not obey logics. This feeling either raises you to heaven or throws into abyss... We are so happy when we love... and... There is a certain period of time when we just love... We are hovering in the clouds just because we are overwhelmed with a strange bright feeling...Our eyes are sparkling and we are happy because we are just LOVING (or FELT IN LOVE???).

 But this wonderful time passes quickly and we are looking for response... Yes, we are all selfish (more or less) and, probbaly, you have to be so in love with the feeling of love itself in order to love unselfishly... But everyone searchs for a sort of warmth... Just for a bit... Expecially from a person for whom we are ready to do everything... But it doesn't happen quite often... Our wings are broken painfully of a stone wall of indifference... And just a smile... and just a soft touch... are able to bring us up to the sky again... Only for a moment.... And again the wall and the abyss.... and it will be so until we forget or want to forget...

  
When someone says I cannot cease to love it is false. I cannot means I do not want! Why? A human-being probably has a kind of addiction to self-torture and one more thing: the fire of hope can burn shortly but it is moldering for a long time...

Do you know what is the most dreadful? What is impossible to tolerate? What burns your soul with red-hot iron? The perception that the person you love feels well without you. And you have nothing to do with. You cannot make a person love you and what for? As a persob is not a subject. No matter how painfully and resentfully you feel you have to reconcile yourself with a fact that a person with whom hours are passing like seconds is happy without you. We just forget that we have no right to feel aggrieved and it makes us feel even more painfully. It's not other person's fault that he feels well without you. As a human-being is not a thing, no matter what you do you cannot make one take fancy of you.

That's a strange thing... We are ready to give... to give everything... at the same time understanding that relationships are not the sense of our life... the life is not worth of living for relations and by relations, even when it comes nothing to relations proper...

Only yearning for something old, unreal.... holds us inexorably... And the hope (just unclear what for) doggedly doesn't let us go... But everything passes with time... We release a person (for someone it takes one, two, five, ten years...) and finally we become free and opened to new feelings... And than everything again... once more... Till you become desperate and decide that you will love only yourself... Or till you find new love... Let it be different... difficult... but mutual... I am sure that sooner or later it will happen... Only...

Too many "only"... too many elision marks... too many "love"...

I will love you, may I?
Even if it's forbidden I will...
Anyway I will come and help

Even if there others will be...

P.S. It turned out that there too many reflections in my blog (and in my mind also). I want to think that it is my last sad post and next time I will right something life-affirming and funny:) I wish love to everybody, mutual and warming! It will find you! For sure! I know!

 P.S. Make-up and photos by Elena Shushugina

Skirt -  tailored here

 Pullover - BlueBirdStyle

Bag - Rebecca Minkoff

 Heels - Kapricci

 Earrings - Asos